Inappropriate Joke of the Week

Q: What was the best thing about the Cash for Clunkers program?
A:  It took all those Obama stickers off of the road!

No clunkers but some good ol Junk in the Trunk for your enjoyment!

Joke of the Week
Yep the joke of the week is back! Heres a good one. Enjoy!
A young boy comes down for breakfast.
Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.
'Not yet,' said the little boy.


His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores..
Well, he's a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens, he kicks a
chicken..
When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow.
When he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig.


He goes back in for breakfast and his mother
gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon,
and why don't I have any milk in my cereal? ' he asks.


'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any
eggs for a week..
I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either.
I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk.'


Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and
kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.


The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, 'You gonna
tell him or should I?

Joke of the Week
Joke #1
On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls, "And get me another whisky you bitch". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach, "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick your ass".

Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly you're a lippy bastard!"

Joke #2
A burly good 'ol boy Texan on a flight flags down a steward and says, "Captain, I want a drink but I don't see the stewardess around".
The steward answers, "Actually I'm not the captain. This airline is proud to have integrated many of the traditional male-female roles of the industry. I'd be happy to get you a drink".
Passenger: "Wow, what does the captain think of that?"
Steward: "She's all for it, in fact, the entire flight crew is female."
Passenger: "I don't believe it!! Take me up to the cockpit so I can see for myself!"
Steward: "Actually sir, we don't call it that anymore."

I'd fly if there were crew members like these.

Joke of the Week
To Exercise Or Not To Exercise
1. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at age 85, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month.

2. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

3. I joined a health club last year, spent about $400. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

4. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I am doing.

5. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

I think these ladies know a little bit about exercise!

Inappropriate Joke of the Week
Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day and caught him sitting on the side of his bed sliding on a condom. Johnny's father, in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously "What ya doin dad?" His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed, to which Little Johnny replied "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"

Hopefully this is the mouse!

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Joke of the Week
A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?"

He says, "I don't know."

She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"

He says, "Bigger."

She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"

He says, "Smaller?"

She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it."

She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."
You think she knows what size he would need?

Jokes of the Week

Bunny Edition

#1
A bear and a bunny are sitting in a forest taking a shit. The bear leans over to the bunny and says "Do you ever have the problem of shit sticking to your fur"? The bunny says "No". So the bear grabs the bunny and wipes his ass.

#2
An adorable little girl walked into a pet shop and asked... "Excuse me; do you have any rabbits here?"
"We do" the sales representative answered...
By leaning down to her eye level she asked, "Did you want a white rabbit or would you rather have a soft, fuzzy black rabbit?"
She shrugged and said "I don't think my fucking python really cares".

#3
A Little Bunny is running happily through the woods when he comes across a Giraffe rolling a joint. He runs up the Giraffe and says, "Hey, Giraffe. You shouldn't do that. Think of your health. You should come running in the woods instead!" The Giraffe looks at the Little Bunny, looks at the spliff, shrugs his shoulders, tosses the joint over his shoulder and runs off through the wood with the Little Bunny.

After a while the Giraffe and the Bunny come across an Elephant about to do a line of Coke. The Rabbit says, "Oh, Elephant you really shouldn't do that. You should come running with us in the wood. It is much better for you." The Elephant looks at the Bunny ,looks at the line of Charlie, shrugs his shoulders, then runs off through the wood with the Giraffe and the Bunny.

Shortly they come across a Bear about to shoot up heroin. The Bunny runs up to him and says, "Hey, Bear, you shouldn't do that, think of your health. You'd be better of running in the woods with us." The Bear looks at the Bunny, looks at the syringe, spoon and stuff, shrugs his shoulders, kicks the whole lot away and runs off with the Bunny, the Giraffe and the Elephant.

After a while they come across a Tiger drinking his way through a six pack of beer. The Bunny runs up to the Tiger and says, "Hey Tiger, you really shouldn't d that." and the Tiger immediately jumps up and starts beating the living crap out of the Bunny. The Giraffe grabs the Tiger and pulls him off the Rabbit and says, "What the hell are you doing, man?" The Tiger gets one more kick in and says, "Ah, that little fucker really pisses me off; he always makes me run around the bloody woods when he's on Ecstasy!"

Sick Joke of the Week
courtesy of Jamie of Cowards Corner

A bum walks into a bar and goes to the bartender and ask for a toothpick,
he then leaves,
another bum comes in and ask for a toothpick then leaves,
A 3rd bum comes in and ask for a toothpick then leaves,
A 4th bum comes in and ask for a straw, the bartender ask whats up with toothpicks and the straw
bum 4 responds,,, A girl threw up outside and all the big pieces are taken.

Joke of the Week

Male comebacks to Female comebacks:

Male to Female at bar- Is this seat taken? Female- no and my seat won't be taken either if you sit down. Male-that's because you'll be underneath the table gobbling on my cock.
Male-your place or mine? Female-both, you'll be going to yours and I'll be going to mine. Male-thats cool because I don't give a shit where you go after i'm finished screwing you in the back of my car!


Yurizan has a seat I'd like to take!

THIRTEEN

A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in
Arkansas, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in
a bar.
After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle
and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed.
"Say, how old are you anyway?" the reporter asked as the obviously
young lass was disrobing.
"Thirteen," she replied with a shy smile.
"Thirteen ??? My God, girl !!! You get those clothes back on at
once at get the hell outta here ! Are you crazy ?" he thundered.
Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet
smiled and said, "Superstitious, huh ?"

What would you do if you were there and found out they were 13?

Inappropriate Joke of the Week
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face & told her mother "Frank Brown showed me his willy today." Before her mum freaked out she added "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing a little, with a hidden smile, her mother asked "Really? Small was it?" Sally replied "No......... salty!"
I'd love to be Frank if either of these were Sally!

Inappropriate Joke of the Week
A woman turns to her fella and says, 'Say something that will make me happy, mad and sad at the same time.' He thinks about it for a bit and then says, 'Well...you've got a tighter pussy than your baby sister!.'

Could you resist if this was the baby sister?
or her?

Inappropriate Joke of the Week

If women with big tits work at hooters, where do women with only one leg work?


IHOP.

Inappropriate Joke Of The Week

Dad is sat at home watching TV, when his 9 year daughter comes home from school. He looks up and she is in tears. Her school blouse is ripped open and her skirt is hitched up and dishevelled.

"What the fuck happened?" He demands

"Well" she replied in tearful sobs and almost hysterical, "I was walking home from school and I took the shortcut through the back lanes"

"AND? AND?" screams Dad trying to get more info

Sob Sob said the little girl "Some man dragged me into the bushes and tore at my blouse"

"OMG, What happened?" asks dad

sob sob cried the poor little girl "He then put his hand up my skirt"

"NO!" shouts Dad "Then?"

Crying through heavy sobs she replies "I cant remember, I blacked out"

"WELL MAKE IT UP, MAKE IT UP!!!" shouts dad as he starts wanking.


What would you do if these ladies blacked out?

Jokes of The Week New Years Edition
How to Quit Smoking
Peter, at a New Year's party, turns to his friend, Ken, and asks for a cigarette.
'I thought you made a New Year's resolution to quit smoking,' Ken responds. 'I'm in the process of quitting,' replies Peter with a grin. 'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'
'Phase one?' wonders Ken.
'Yeah,' laughs Peter, 'I've quit buying.'

A Bad Dream?
Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'
'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly.
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'.

Tattoo
This woman walks into a tatoo shop and asks for a tatoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. why do you want two tatoos there? So she says because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years.

Christmas Jokes

Joke #1
A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"


Joke #2
why is santa so happy and jolly all the time???
because he knows where all the naughty girls live!


Joke#3
Once there was this very VERY horny girl on Chrismas. She really wanted to fuck Santa. So she waited at the fireplace for Santa to come down.
When he came down she said, "Oh Santa will you pleaseee stay" and then she took her shit off.
Santa said, "Ho Ho Ho, I better go, have to deliver thease gifts to children ya' know".
So she took of her pants and said, "Please Santa"?
Santa said, " Ho Ho Ho, I better go, have to deliver thease gifts to children you know"?
Then she took everything else off and said, " Pleaseeee"!?
Santa said, "Hey Hey Hey, Guess I'll stay, I can't go up the chimney with my dick this way"


Joke#4
A little boy sits on Santa's lap. Santa says "I bet I know what you want for Christmas," and with his finger he taps the boys nose with every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S". The little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have enough toys."Santa replies once again tapping the boys nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y." Again the little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have all kinds of candy." "Well what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks. The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose,"P-U-S-S-Y, and don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"

Joke of the Week
Christmas Gift For The Cowboys Fans
The perfect Christmas gift for any die hard Cowboys fan out there.
Click here.

Inappropriate Jokes of the Week
Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: I don't know either, she's suppose to be in the kitchen.


Q: Why don't women wear watches?
A: There's a clock on the stove.


Q: What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told her twice.

Jokes of the Week

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I got to watch my Titans kick the shit out of the lions and I had some good food so im all good. Not too many nasty Thanksgiving jokes so you get this shit instead.

Thanksgiving Divorce
Eddie in Dallas calls his son in New York just before Thanksgiving and tells him, 'I am sorry to tell you but your mother and I are going to divorcing. I just cannot take any more of her moaning. We can't stand the sight of each other any more.' I am telling first, Eddie, because you are the eldest, please tell your sister.
When Eddie calls his sister Julie, she says: 'No way are they getting divorced, I will go over and see them for Thanksgiving.'
Julie phones here parents and tells them both 'You must NOT get divorced. Promise you won't do anything until I get over there. I'm calling Eddie, and we'll both be there with you tomorrow. Until then, don't take any action, please listen to me', and hangs up.
The father puts down the phone and turns to his wife and says. 'Good news' he says, 'Eddie and Julie are coming for Thanksgiving and they are both paying their own way.'

Indians and the Pilgrims
Nathan, a young boy, after hearing the story of Thanksgiving and how the Indians and the Pilgrims sat down together, climbed up into his father's lap and said, 'Daddy, did you know that if we were Indians, you would be a brave and Mom would be a squawk?'
'That is the best description of your mother I have ever heard, Nathan', replied his daddy as he ducked.

DUI
Instead of a joke this week I decided to show this funny dui video. Dui aint no funny matter but this fucking video is!

Hilarious DUI Test - Watch more Free Videos