Jokes of The Week New Years Edition
How to Quit Smoking
Peter, at a New Year's party, turns to his friend, Ken, and asks for a cigarette.
'I thought you made a New Year's resolution to quit smoking,' Ken responds. 'I'm in the process of quitting,' replies Peter with a grin. 'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'
'Phase one?' wonders Ken.
'Yeah,' laughs Peter, 'I've quit buying.'

A Bad Dream?
Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'
'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly.
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'.

Tattoo
This woman walks into a tatoo shop and asks for a tatoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. why do you want two tatoos there? So she says because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years.