Cowards Corner

Stayed tuned for Jamies summer movie wrap up coming soon. Until then enjoy the reviews.

Under the Sea 3-D - IMAX

Years ago I had seen Into the Deep in 3D and loved it. Some people only know 3D movies like My Bloody Valentine or Monsters vs. Aliens. Well this is the real deal. This shit comes out at you asking you to reach out and touch it. It is only 40 min which seems short but was about right considering I got a little sea sick. You are up and close amongst all types of underwater creatures; my favorite was the blue eel. The negative was I was in a packed theater nothing but kids that were kicking my chair and yelling. Also the Narrator Jim Carrey did not fit right and was trying to be funny a few times that did not work. This is really meant for kids ages 8-14 and adults will like it if you can get in without a packed audience.

Inglourious Basterds -

Always a fan of Tarantino so when I heard he was making a movie about the 2nd World War I was pretty excited. I love WW2 movies and knew I would get something special. First of all everything you expect from a Tarantino movie are there. Awesome dialogue, strange comedy moments, brutal kills and twist in the plots. This is the first movie were every scene built a tension.You could literally pull each scene out and show as a short film.Because of that it worked great especially since they al led up to a climax. The first scene sets the movie off perfect with 20 min of dialogue that ends with a bang. This movie is also helped with 2 great actors Brad Pitt who is the leader of the bastards. Christoph Waltz is the Jew hunter. I think Christoph edges out Brad for the best actor in the whole movie. Every time this guy shows up you know he is going to kick some ass. I had a huge smile the whole time during this. Is this the best treatment he could have given this? No, but I loved what he did with it. The Only gripe I had was the attention to detail mainly the uniforms. The SS uniforms were truly bad ass and were well made. These uniforms looked of $5.00 budget and thrown together. There is a scene were Hitler is wearing a Nazi cape, he looks rather comic and then I knew he was not putting a lot of time in the uniforms which was ok. As of writing this I am going to see it again which would make it only the 2nd movie this summer I re- watched after Drag me to hell. If your a fan of good movies Tarantino delivers.

Cowards Corner Horror Reviews
Jamie gives his take on Coming Soon (Horrorphilia Ep. 6), The Children (Ep. 2), Dead Snow (Ep. 2), and also Pontypool. Its refreshing to see a different take on some of the movies me and Borp reviewed.

Coming Soon
A Ghost horror movie from Thailand? Can they change it up and bring some originality to this stale genre? Or should they only make Tony Jaa movies? The answer is: Please bring us Ong Bak 3. The story has the right idea but runs out of steam with overused sequences. A movie called Evil Spirit is being shown to the cast and
crew. The projectionist has plans to sell the movie as a pirate DVD. The guy that is recording the movie on his camcorder vanishes. Then begins the quest to see what happens. There is a hanging death scene in the movie so after you watch it you later die. It does explain it all but it has been done before. A good ghost movie has to be scary. How many times has someone looked down a hall and not seen anything then turned around and bam there is the ghost. This happens non stop and you saw it coming miles away. This reminded me of the Eye, Ring, and Grudge all blended together. I was very bored half way through and was just waiting to see how it wrapped it up and I can only say one thing Halloween 3.
Not recommended.

The Children Review
I know I am late on this one everyone else has talked about it. I have been lazy it was sitting on my desk for a few months now. I am glad I watched it for it was great, way better then I was expecting. Simply put a family reunion in the woods were no cops can get to. So you know some shit is going down. Soon the kids go
straight Damian on there parent�fs ass. How do you direct kids to be evil, scary and downright creepy? This director pulled it off. Parents and kids are killed off in gruesome ways. It does not explain shit which is one thing that hurt it, but
it is set up for a sequel. You know how Jaws made people not go in the water. I do not have kids but if I did I would never take them to a secluded house in the woods. Highly recommended.

Pontypool
Here is a movie that works in so many ways. Many people will hate because it is advertised as a Zombie movie. It really is not but it plays on your fears and works out great. Grant Mazzy is a new DJ at a small radio station in Pontypool Canada. Reports start coming in that something is going on. Some kind of outbreak. They stay in the station and report what they find out. You learn as
they do and the tension rises. As you find out more it becomes apararent how the writers wanted to make a different type of movie and for that I was thankful. Zombie movies are starting to get a little overdone. With some of the best acting I have seen the story draws you in and kept me till the end. At first viewing the second
half did lack the same punching power. After thinking about it a few days I saw were they were going. It deserves more than one viewing and appreciation.

Dead Snow
Watching the commercials you have a good idea this will not be a smart film just crazy. I love the idea of Nazi zombies and was looking forward to this. As most films like these start we have a group of young adults that are going out to a cabin out in the mountains again secluded. There is a back story that explains the
zombies and when they show up gruesome deaths happen. The survivors decide to fight back which was nice. You had to wait a good 30 minutes before the killing begins. Overall it was lots of fun and would not see it again unless I had a house full of drunk people. A good fun entry to the Zombie market.

Coward's Corner

*repost from 09/09/2008 with updated review of part 6. Someday Ill watch the movies.
I had never read any Harry Potter books or seen there movies. Many times people ask me about them and I cannot comment. I finally had to see what the big deal was. So this last weekend I sat down and go caught up on harry potter movies. there are 7 books, 5 are movies out to rent pt 6 the half blood prince will be released next July and the final book pt 7 the deathly hallows will be milked for all its worth making 2 movies out of it pt 1 and 2 will be released in 2010. Most people say the books are better and things were changed. This happens to all movies why should potter be any different.All I care about is are they good movies and how is the series.Well I'm ready for pt 6 since the bar was raised in pt 5 and the same director David Yates will finish out the series I'm pretty excited. I will do this review on the whole series then break down each movie on its own.
So we enter a fantasy world of wizards and witches. In this fantasy world wizards and witches all start out young and go to school. this fantasy world is governed by the ministry of magic and they try to keep a peace and safe world. Well years ago a evil wizard Voltamore and his followers led a rebellion and killed a few wizards and witches in his killing spree he killed a husband and wife team and tried to kill there baby. But the baby was not killed and Voltamore vanished. The baby is smuggled out of fantasy world and put in his uncles house to live till he is 11. At 11 he is allowed to come to wizard school to begin his training. Since he survived the attack as a baby he is all ready famous and thought to be this great wizard. Wizards are not made overnight. In fact these movies cover one year of Harrys life as he learns his form. This Is what makes the series.You See harry grow and have to accept who he is. Sometimes I missed the little kid harry just learning. As he gets older things get worse and more adult. You grow up with him and got through the same challenges he does.AS pt 5 ended I was ready for 6 I guess the series did its job.


Pt1 The Sorcerers Stone directed by Chris Columbus
To start off a franchise is risky if the first one does do well there can be no more so who do they get to direct. A safe comedy director. Chris Columbus has done such masterpieces as home alone, home alone 2 Mrs Doubtfire.This really scared me what he would do to it. Well as it turned out he was the right choice the first movie is a beginning tale about a 11 yr old boy.His first year of school buying wizard supplies like wands and broomsticks.Meeting new friends and learning about the teachers. The movie ended I wanted to know more about what harry would become.
Pt 2 The Chamber of Secrets directed by Chris Columbus
Now that everyone is introduced we start to get a mystery, this will be in every movie. Something is happening and harry and his friends have to solve it. With more effects and more magic you can see CC has more money.Overall I was kinda bored and it felt to family kiddie
Pt 3 Prisoner of Azkaban directed by Alfonso Cuaron
So now the stories are getting a little more dark and adult. So out with CC. I do not know how they chose AC but until this film he had did great expectations and the spanish hit "y tu mama tambien". The bar is now raised as AC shows us that its not all Disney and cotton candy. The story is a mystery but with a nice twist at the end. We also are introduced to Gary Oldman "who can do no wrong in my book" as a welcome co star to the series. With the effects out shining the previous 2 this one left me wanting more.
Pt 4 The Goblet of Fire directed by Mike Newell
Mikes last 3 movies were Pushing Tin, Mona Lisa Smile and Donnie Brasco. So nothing too impressive here. Well this story is the weakest one, IM not sure what they changed from the book but Im sure it hurt. I was bored until the end, even with dragons and evil mermaids could not help it.The ending is a cliffhanger with a friend of Harrys dying and Harry going one one with Voltamore. Worst of the series so far.
Pt 5 Order of the Phoenix directed by David Yates
Now harry is becoming a man and possibly going to the dark side, he has to make a choice. Finally we get wizard battles, the last 30 min had me cheering and wanting Harry to whip some ass. Special appearance by Helena Bonham Carter makes the ending even better.My order pt3 and 5 are tied for first, then prt 1,2,4

Pt 6. Harry potter and the half blood Prince
Damn I was wanting this to be good. The last movie order of the phoenix which I really liked left me wanting more. The same director David Yates returns and will finish out the series. After watching the last 5, I went and read the last 2 books and was blown away. So here we are with 2 movies left now, part 7 will be in 2 parts. Some people say it's for the money but I think to truly tell the final book it needs to be 2 parts or a 4 hour movie. Anyway on to this one. Of course like all the books they add and delete many things. This one they went too far. The scenes they added made no sense and they left out really important scenes especially the ending. This is the last one were Hogwarts is featured and they let that slide. No more
ghost or moving pictures, it's like they had no money to invest into it. Shit had not hit the fan yet so things still should have been normal. I think maybe the director was trying to copy Alfonso Curran from pt 3. I'm hoping he does not cheap out or change everything on the last 2 movies. I"m worried now since he messed this one up. The more I think about it the more disappointed I am. You have to see finish the series but do not get in a hurry to.





Rant: Dragonforce haters
I remember about 7 years ago or so I first heard the metal band Dragonforce. I loved it, the tight rhythms, awesome solos and great production. I told people about it and called it speed metal on crack.I always wondered though could they do it live? Well years later we know the answer. I have never seen them live but have read many reviews and seen many videos of them. The answer is no they cannot play this well or fast live. Because of this they are now on many peoples hit list. I see people in the internet community all the time trashing these guys all because they cannot play live. Watch any video on you tube and most of the comments will be negative saying there not a live band. I find myself having to defend them many times. As a metal community we have to understand that many people think bands like slipknot and disturbed are metal. We have to unify and show people what real metal is. Yeah they cant do it live but they have to do it in the studio. They show real skill and talent more than most so called metal bands. In fact most of the posers that rag on them do not know shit about guitar or how to do a solo. We should support the true metal bands and not tear them down. SO for you all you Dragonforce haters go plug in your guitar hero lock the door and shut the fuck up.

Rant: Paul WS Anderson
Earlier on this site a rant was made on Bryan Singer. I agree with it.there is one more director that I have to discuss, for he is about to rape my childhood. I remember when I first saw the commercial for Death Race. I thought wow this looks like a Paul Anderson movie and low and behold it was. Most of the time when I say this looked like a "blank movie" its normally a good thing. Many master directors have perfected there craft and you can tell from the style of the movie that it is them. For Paul though his style is crap so if it looks like crap, smells like crap it must be crap. Lets look at Pauls history of movies before death race, AVP resident evil, soldier, event horizon, mortal kombat. Every one of these movies was a good rental. SO why is he not making straight to video movies?Well most of those movies made good cash for the studio so they ask him to come back. This happens many times in Hollywood make the studio money first have no talent second. Paul's next movie is spy hunter which I could care less about. But he is writing and producing the adaption of one of my favorite video games ever Castlevania. A early review on the script from aicn proved I was right. My childhood is about to be raped by some talentless hack. Please stop supporting this scrub and send a message to the studio by boycotting all of Pauls movies.

Cowards Corner

Cowards Corner

Death Note Reviews

Jamie's back with his review of the Death Note series. I remember receiving an email request to review this so apparently there are die hard fans out there.

Death Note

I ran across a Japanese movie called Death Note it was the most successful movie ever in Japan. I found out it was based on a Manga comic then was made into an Anime series. I looked up the series on hulu and checked it out. I then watched the 3 live action movies that came after the Anime.

Death Note Anime - Well this series is 14 hours so if you got some free time to kill this is a good way to waste it. I am not an expert on Anime and many people said in the Hulu talkbacks that there were much better series out there. Of course it dragged it a little and was many things that needed to be cut. Any crime detective story relies on the 2 antagonist. This story had it in spades. So young Light who is about 18 finds the death note and with it he can write anyone's name in it and they die. Once he tries it out he realizes he wants to be the God of the new world and rid the world of evil. So of course killing all these criminals brings in the police and the number One detective in the world "L" who is also 18.

It soon becomes a chess game between Light and L of who can get to each other first. On Hulu it was divided into 37 - 23 minute shows and the pacing of each show worked, most of the times they left me hanging wanting to know more. Since it is an Anime you may ask how the animation is. Again I am no expert but I think it was done well. Many times when someone died or was tricked you could see it in there eyes before they died. I was happy with this and did not think my 14 hours was wasted. Check it out.

Death Note 1 and 2 live action
Well both together are almost 4 hours so they had to cut a lot of material. Did they pick the right ones? They also added a few things. Overall they did a good job and liked the pacing of the movie it nice to guess what they were going to keep. Again the main power is the 2 stars L and Light. Casting was great for L and light was just ok. I'm not a big fan of this guy. If you had seen Battle Royale he is one of the kids that survive. I think someone who has not seen the anime would get into it. I would say check them both out since they're one long movie.

Death Note L change the world

Japan took a note from Hollywood's book. When death note 2 grossed way more then part 1 they said "hey we should take advantage and continue the story even though they ended it." So now we get the continuing adventures Of L which are pretty boring and weak since it was not based on anime or comic. You can do without this one "special note". If you watch the death note movies and do not have time to watch the anime send me a message on this comment with your email and I will tell you what happened on the anime.

Cowards Corner

Steve Mcnair Tribute

Ditto for me. I had a whole tribute section of dedication to him on Horrorphilia #5, before the episode was erased. I couldnt have said it any better. I think Jamie made me shed another tear.

I was a Houston Oilers fan since the Warren Moon days. I remember one year were they had the #1 defense in the league and Joe Montana who played one last year for the chiefs destroyed them in the

playoffs. In 93, Moons time was up and they had to start looking for new blood, someone to reboot and lead the team. I was hearing much talk of a QB at a small college that was impressing everyone around

him. His name was Steve Mcnair and he played for Alcorn State. I was able to catch a live Alcorn State game on ESPN. He threw 4 touchdowns and ran like 80 yards. I was like what the fuck is this!

My Oilers will get this guy I started to pray to the Gods that this would happen. Sure enough he was drafted 1st round by the Houston Oilers in 1994. In 1995 he had to ride the bench behind Chris Chandler and be adapted in slowly.

In 1997 Buthole Adams the Houston Owner moved the team to Tennessee but kept the Oiler name until 99. Many fans in Texas abandoned the team and supported Dallas. I stayed with them because I knew there was greatness coming. In 96-98 Mcnair threw for 7090 passing yards and 35 touchdowns. In 1999 with a new team the Tennessee Titans he led them to the Super bowl. People that did not know of Mcnair certainly did then. I was pissed to see all these bandwagon fans show up. I knew deep down I was one of his first and I was proud of that.

Mcnair sadly never returned to the Super bowl He won MVP in 2003. 2005 was his last year as a Titan as he went to the arch enemy Baltimore Ravens. He led them to the playoffs with 3,050 yards and 16 touchdowns. He stayed 1 more year with the ravens and realized his body had taken too much and he could not compete. Ending his career with 31,304 passing yards and 174 Tds.

Around 2004 I gave up on NFL. I was tired of their bitching and crying from these rich spoiled bitches. It was not fun for me anymore so I stopped watching. Steve Mcnair never fell in that group and I always enjoyed watching him and remember the good times I had. Now he is dead and media and fans judge his life and the bad choices he made. Well I don't care how he died and the circumstances, I will miss him and I will always Remember #9. A true fan RIP Steve.

Coward Corner

Jamie's back with some strong opinions on whats currently happening. What do you think?

Political corner - The Shepherd

I try to stay out of politics but now my hand is being forced I’m pretty pissed off and have to say something. Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin just resigned from office. Media is spinning it that she is getting ready for her presidential bid. Every time Mike Huckabee is on a talk show they spin him as the front runner for the next election. Newt Gingrich is getting the same treatment. What crystal ball are they looking at to see that these 3 will be running for president in over 3 years? They're using basic brainwashing techniques. If they can spin these 3 for the next 3 years as the front runners then when the time comes the sheep will follow them and they will be nominated. Last republican election Ron Paul won all the internet votes,, wonder why? Cause people on the internet research and take time to study. They liked what he had to say from his weekly comments to his videos. The media on the other hand ridiculed and made fun of him. With lack of money
and media full steam against him he dropped out. Is anyone surprised at what Obama is doing? If you are you did not read his website. His website told of his socialism views and what he would do in office. With the media driving that he would be the first black president and how he would change things the sheep followed the Shepherd.
Research for yourself and do not let the Media Shepherd, herd you into their pen. Let the people choose not the Media.

Coward Corner

Jamie's back just in time for the 4th of July holiday.
War Corner
I have been watching the military channel and it put me in the mood
to watch some war movies I had not seen and refresh my memories of
others.

Band of Brothers

Most people have heard of this miniseries, but still a few have not seen it. 10 hours long I can understand why some people would not have the time to invest. It's good to know your history about the battles before you go into this. We follow the 101st airborne division Easy company as they have apart of every major battle in the European theater. From Normandy to Holland to Germany, you're with this group of guys as they brave the battles. Since you're by their side you feel close to them and are unnerved when they are killed. It is very historicaly accurate and one of the best miniseries ever made. Many young people these days have no idea what it was like and that freedom is not free. Take a day off and watch the entire series and come back changed.

The Great Raid

Now we switch to the Japanese side of the war. When General MacArthur returned to the Philippines after 3 years, Japan knew they were doomed and would soon lose the islands. They had a policy of killing all POWs. One camp they burned alive 150 of them, few escaped and told the story. Well the army heard of a POW camp of 500 near the city of Cabanatuan and knew they would be killed before they got there. They sent the 6th Ranger battalion, 120 in all to march 30 miles in silence to rescue these guys before they were killed. They find out the Japanese were reinforced and had around 8,000 men in the area. With the help of Filipino underground and guerrilla fighters they rescued the POWs with only losing 2 guys. This was the greatest rescue raid ever in American history. Some reason this story was forgotten and many people do not know about it. Here you can see a realistic movie of this famous event. I also recommend the book Ghost Soldiers by Hampton Sides which is what this movie is based on. Next time you meet a war veteran or even a POW please give them respect and thank them. Freedom is not free.

Downfall

Now we switch to the Germany side and relive the last days of Hitler. Berlin is surrounded by the Russians, Hitler and his inner circle are held up in there underground bunker. This is based on a book by Traudl Jung, Hitler's secretary who escaped Berlin after it fell. This movie gives us a human side to Hitler and his followers.

A full German cast with Bruno Ganz as the Hitler, this is a refreshing story that needed to be told. Hitler is in denial that they have lost even though his commanders knew it was over. You also see his family and followers what they would do and the lengths they would go for him, Unlike a American movie were they would probably cast Americans and give them a German accent these actors fit the part and you really believe you are a fly in Hitler's bunker. As the Russians close in things get worse as Hitler realizes all is lost and decides to kill himself, his wife and dog. This is a must see movie and one particular scene will haunt you for days.

Cowards Corner

Jamies thoughts on two of the biggest horror releases of the year.

Drag me to hell

I watched this at a free screening put on by AICN a few days before it was released. I was in a theater with Sam Raimi fans.

I decided to see it again with a friend who had never seen the Evil Dead trilogy. It was nice to see how Sam worked the audience. There are so many horror movies out there and they try to scare you with jump scares. This put it to a new level. The way the tension was built and the camera angles made it all the more scarier. Once it starts it grabs you and does not let you go.

As of writing this it has only made 36 million in one month.

While Transformers 2 made 60 million in one day 200 million in 5 days. Do you see a problem here? How can a shitty action movie make double in one day then this. People ask for good movies and when they get then they do not support them. Well if you saw Transformers this weekend and have not seen Drag me to hell, Fuck you! You would not know a good movie if it bit you in your ass. Please support real movies and avoid the commercial crap.

Friday the 13th (2009)

Well I missed the sneak preview and the chance to meet Jason and

have a shit eating grin. So I had to settle for dvd many months

later. I think its good to review this as its own movie. It is a reboot and most everyone knows about Jason. So I have to compare to the other survival horror movies that have been coming out.
The good- They made him very realistic and showed tunnels under crystal lake. He also set traps for his victims. He has been surviving on his own living off the land. The first 45 min I was into to then it went bad.
The ugly- Well the music sucked, no plot and no real scares. The
movie I kept thinking about was Wrong Turn.
That got the idea right and this one failed. The director of this
Marcus Nispel did one of my favorite reboot the Texas chainsaw
massacre. He is set to do a new Conan movie next. I think he was playing it safe and the word is still out on if he is a good
director or not. Another famous thing to Jason movies are the kills and these were hit and miss. My favorite of the movie was a girl is hung upside down in sleeping bag over a campfire as her boyfriend is caught in a bear trap and has to watch her burn alive. Overall I give this a free rental or Red box.

Coward Corner

Another Post from Jamie this time focused on T.V.

Tv Series corner

I have 2 series I wanna talk about. One is already cancelled and is not even done with season 1 and the other is about to start season 3. So on to the bad news. One of the best and orginal series Kings will not make a second season. I think they will finish the first one but that’s it. With the exception of Lost and Fringe there are not very many smart dramas that make you think. Well here is one that kicks ass. First of all the story. Its loosely based on King David in the Old testament. It s a retelling of King Saul and David’s rise to power. Ian Mcshane from Deadwood fame is King Silas the ruler of Shilo.

As is the series starts Shilo is at war with its neighboring country Gath. David Sheppard a soldier on the front lines face the tanks called goliaths and rescue the Kings son. He is brought back and made council to the king. The King also has a advisor only known as the Reverend. He is the Prophet that had chosen him and tells Kings Silas he will be replaced cause he has lost favor with God. So you see the potential of putting a fresh spin on this very famous story. The main problem I would have if the series continued King Silas has to die and David takes over, Taking Ian Mcshane out of the series would hurt it. That does not matter now anyway since it is cancelled, If you have a chance to see it on Hulu or any other way, please check it out. If you like it write NBC and ask them to keep it Kings is on sat nbc 7 central.

The Cleaner starts season 3 next week. I came in on season 2 and was hooked. Talk about a sad depressing series. Benjamin Bratt plays a real person named William Banks. William was a heroine junkie for years ignoring his family while everything else fell apart. Well he gets cleaned then has a calling from God to help others. He gets a team of former junkies and they take the tough cases and help people in the only way they know how. They kidnap them and take them to detox they force them against there will. He admits the rate that people stay clean is real low but that is what he does. He does not advertise, people just come to him. They have to pay him too, and they never say how much. Well since William is helping people now his family gets jealous and wants him to spend more time with them. This cause friction and family drama.

As I’m writing this it sounds kinda corny and lame but I promise it is really good and will tug your tears. Go check it out and see what a true problem drugs are. Season 3 starts 6-23-09 A&E 9 central.

Cowards Corner

Jamie's back with another review and another rant.

JCVD
I worked at a Movie store for a few years and I remember there was always a JCVD straight to video movie 2 times a year. Steven Seagal did about 4. Jean movies always had a bigger budget to it and was more drama. Now Van Damme returns to his roots with a film that makes fun of himself and apologizes to the fans. He plays himself he has returned to Brussels where it all started. He goes into a bank while a robbery is taken place. He is taken prisoner but is seen from the outside. The cops think he is the one holding up the place. The criminals take advantage of this and uses it to bargain with the cops. From there is where the story has the true power. I do not want to give much away but it is very realistic and makes you appreciate JCVD's acting abilities. Go check this out and at the end chant with me “Free Van Damme“.

Rolland Emmerich
Last week they just released a new trailer for 2012. This is
bullshit and makes you wonder who is the Bitch that is doing this crap.
Well the answer is Roland Emmerich. The awesome director of 10,000 BC, Godzilla, The Day after Tomorrow, and Independence Day. What does this movie master have up his sleeves next. Well how about doing another end of the world film. Using the same effects and wasting millions. If this trailer looks awesome to you please go shoot yourself and save us the time of your pitiful existence. I know this movie will make millions and will entertain but does it have to be done and why does this hack keep getting to make movies when there are so many up and coming guys that need a break. Rolland you now join the Coward Corner Director hall of shame with your buddies, Bryan Singer, Paul WS Anderson, and Michael
Bay.

Cowards Corner

GI Joe Resolution Review

I neven even heard about this. Take it away Jamie.
Originally aired on adult swim this is a true kick ass GI Joe film.
you can now see at youtube broke up under 11 parts. This is the next best true GI Joe we will ever get. I doubt the summer movie will be this good.
The main character is Snake eyes and he whips so much ninja ass its unreal.
This GI Joe also does something the others did not, they kill people. Thats right they violently shoot and kill each other. Cobra loses way more troops but shit I was grinning the whole time especially when Snake Eyes cuts some guy in half. A must see for any GI Joe fan.

Part 1

Cowards Book Corner
Jamie's back with his first book review for the blog.
The Road by Cormac McCarthy
I have been reading a little more lately and will post some new reviews of the noteworthy books. I was watching some trailers on hulu and ran across one for The Road. It had Vigo Mortenson as the main lead character it was a post apocalyptic movie about the survival at the end of the world. I did some research and found it was based on a book and the writer also did No country for old men. On Amazon it was rated very highly and was a must read.
So I checked it out at my library and read it one sitting.
It is only 287 pages so it’s not hard to get through it. I understand why people really liked it but it was not for me. The good points.
It explained nothing it’s all from the point of view of the man and his son you never know there names. This is all you know. It’s been years since something happened there are no animals left, ash is on the ground everywhere, and there are only a few survivors. There are groups of people that are hunting people and keeping them to eat. We know they are north and they cannot survive another winter so they are going south to the coast. You never know what happened to cause anything, were they were actually at or were there going your just with them on there journey. Most of the book is made of conversations between the man and his son. They go town to town scavenging what they can find while avoiding the bad people. It was trying to be realistic were they were in so bad shape they could not have run ins with the evil people to much. So it barely happens. The bad point. The length and ending I was into what was going on and accepted this world it was
painted very well. So it ended abruptly like he ran of ideas or just was tired of writing it. One thing that may mess up my thoughts on this book is I have read a great series called “Ashes” by William H Johnston.
It’s like 24 books that follow one character that lives through the nuclear war then leads people through the evil empire and cannibalism that ensues. Most of the events in The Road I had already read about and it did not bother me. This is one time were the movie will probably be better than the book. Again it is short so I would say get it free from your local library and do not buy it.
I would recommend looking for the ashes series first, but they are really hard to get. I give this 2 out of 5.
I will read some more of Cormack McCarthy’s books to give him a chance
movie trailer

2 Guys 1 cup errr 1 Movie

*Repost from 02/23/2009

Outlander Movie Review

Directed by Howard McCain

Starring Jim Caviezel, Jack Huston, Sophia Myles,

Availability: On dvd 05/19/2009

This is the first of I hope many posts about two different dissenting opinions about the same movie. First up is my positive review of the movie then last will be Jamie from Cowards Corner segments with his pissing all over the movie. Enjoy!

Mits777 aka Jason's Take

Like most genre film lovers I have a love/hate relationship with the Weinsteins. I love the fact that they like genre films and sometimes help obscure and foreign films get wide distribution but I also hate how they fail to theatrically distribute some of their bigger titles or they recut them to how they like. Unfortunately Outlander is one of those movies who got shit on when it came to distribution. With the right marketing I believe that Outlander could have made some decent jack or at least made their 50+ million budget back. Instead they released it in limited theaters and who knows when it finally will make its way to dvd.

Jim Caviezel plays a soldier from outer space that crashes to earth in Norway in 709 a.d. Along with him is a space monster thats out to destroy all in its path. In a cool scene he uploads data to his brain that makes him learn the Norwegian language so he can communicate with the Vikings. Pretty soon the monster creature starts killing the villagers and the Viking have to work with Jim to trap and destroy the monster.

I'll go ahead and get the negative out of the way. I thought the romance between Jim and the main woman wasnt really that developed and a little unnecessary. I know cgi can be expensive but I was hoping for a few more minutes of screen time for the monster. The story and dialogue wasnt anything groundbreaking but I thought it was adequate for this kind of movie.

What I did like about the movie definitely outweighs the negative. I thought the creature design with the fluorescent lights was unique and awesome. The first attack on the village had a few cool gory kills and overall the creature movement and cgi was first rate. Ron Perlman's brief appearance was awesome. He had the best kill of the movie with his double hammer skull smash. Right when it seems like the movie is over there's another 25-30 minutes of action.

Overall I thought it was edited well had a good fast pace, unique story and enough action to satisfy most action aficionados. Good monster movies are far and few between so I relish the good ones when they pop up every few years. On a scale of 1-10 I give this a shield walking 7.7 out of 10.

Jamie's (Cowards Corner) Take

Well it was a good idea and had potential but was turned into cheese dip. Our hero Jim "Jesus" Caviezel, is from the future and he looks like a Starcraft Teran Marine. His People find a planet they want and destroy the creatures that live there. Then they set up a colony with Jesus's family living there. While he is gone, one monster was still alive and kills the whole colony. Jesus is transporting his family and other bodies when the creature attacks them and they crash on earth in 709 ad in Norway, home of vikings. The creature then goes on a rampage killing vikings as our hero "Jesus" has to lead the small viking army to defeat it. The first half is pretty boring not much going on and the creature effects are not that great. The late Stan Winston was much needed here. They were trying to develop the characters but failed, for I did not care for them. Ron Perlman shows up and helps the scenes he is in but is killed pretty quick. He are some spoiler bad points about the movie. When Jesus lands he has a bad ass space gun that gets dropped in the river like 5 min later. Jesus stares way to much and tries to be compassionate. To kill the monster Jesus decides they need better metal so they go to his sunken space ship and bring up some of the ship then forge that into swords, I guess he welded underwater then they made the swords in 5 minutes. Also when he dives down to get the ship the 2 people waiting for him are attacked but not killed. One is monster napped while the other was just knocked out even though the monster had previously gutted everyone else he ran into. You a can tell half way into it Jesus will be the king of the vikings by the end of the movie. I cannot see a reason to recommend this movie., unless your low on Velveeta cheese. Nothing works and I left not entertained. Rotten tomatoes has it 24% for a reason.

Cowards Corner
Jamie's back with his take on the recent outburst of French horror movies.
French movie Horror-thon
Wow I have been behind. Had no idea the French were pumping out some good survival horror movies. Here are 4 reviews.
Them - I saw this 2 years ago and forgot it was French. I still remember it and how I felt after watching it. They say it was based on a true story which I can believe. The movie The Strangers copied from it. A couple go out to a house for the weekend and are terrorized by a few people. You do not know who it is. “Spoiler”
You find out it is about young kids around 12-16 and they like tormenting and killing people. It had some good drama and suspense what I was looking for. A low budget made it great.

Inside - A mom is preparing to have her baby the next day. She wants a night of rest by herself. A lady shows up and fucks everything up killing everyone . They were relying on scary jump scenes and shock value which worked. The ending was crazy not expecting it but I’m not sure how I feel about it.

Frontiers - France is in a state of unrest as the police fight the civilian mob. 4 people on the run from the police hold up out in the country in a hostel. This hostel is not what it appears to be and blood flows. Eli Roth’s Hostel was made before this so I thought they were going to copy it. Luckily they went a different direction.
I like crazy killer families if there done well, and this was. I cared for the main girl and wanted her to survive. Lots of blood and gore and I was loving it.

Martyrs - Well people are loving this and hating it. I guess I hate it.
I love the beginning it’s a mystery you have no idea what is going on or why. When they reveal it all it gets slow and boring. The reviews call this a true torture porn film. I have to disagree Eli Roth already did it better in Hostel.
A girl at age 15 escapes torture then is put in a orphanage. She befriends a girl that stays her friend. 15 years later she goes after the people that tortured her. A suspenseful horror it starts out then just gets to crazy. They had a great idea just fell short.

So if you never seen these movies I recommend them all. Its good to support horror anyway so they will keep making them. As long as France keeps trying and making movies like this and America settles for remakes the French will finally do something better than us. Here is the order I would see them.
Frontiers, Inside, Them, and Martyrs.

Special note - I have mentioned Eli Roth’s Hostel a few times in the review. I think he set the bar and showed us what could be done. Many people hate on him for some reason. So if your one that may discredit my reviews for you.

Cowards Corner
Star Trek Review
Wow with a Rotten Tomatoes score of 96% “Dark Knight had 94”
And nothing but glowing reviews it seemed like this movie would bow down. Sadly it does not. It is a good movie but not great.
It is not even in The Dark Knights area code. If your Trek nerd then I’m sure it would mean more to you. I think did what it was supposed to do. Get people ready and wanting some new Star Trek movies. So I think most people will eat this up. In another Directors hands it would be crap. JJ Abrams is a master at casting the crew. My favorites are Bones and Kirk. Every time these guys were on the screen it kicked lots of ass. It was a fun summer movie but I know there are better movies to come. While I was waiting in line to get my ticket almost everyone in front of me was seeing Wolverine. I wanted to tell them how they were wasting there time.
So far Star Trek is the best of summer but its only been 2 weeks.

Coward Corner Summer Movie Preview

Jamie's back with his summer movie preview. Mine will be posted within a few days.
Well I am late as usual Wolverine came out a few days ago so I missed the first week but never fear I will pick up the pace and preview this Summer’s big movies. I really do not go into detail about the movies you can always look them up and watch the trailers most are on you tube or Hulu.
May 8th - Star Trek and Next Day Air
Star Trek - It’s getting great reviews already. Master storyteller JJ Abrams is at the helm and I’m pretty excited about this. We learn the beginning of Kirk and the Enterprise.
Next Day Air - With Mike Epps and Mos Deff my most hated black actors. I’m so not there nor do I care. The trailer made me vomit.

May 15th - Angels and Demons, The Brother’s Bloom and Management
Angels and Demons - Never seen the Davinci Code, looks like the same thing. Really do not care about this. I’m sure it has a audience but it’s not me.
The Brothers Bloom- has Potential awesome trailer reminds me of a Wes Anderson Movie.
Management - Steve Zahn and Jennifer Anniston,,, Looks like shit smells like shit, I’m sure it is shit.

May 21st Terminator Salvation
Terminator - Come with me if you wanna live, First Arnie free Terminator with Christian Bale as John Conner. Can MCG pull it off?

May 22nd - Night at the Museum- Battle of the Smithsonian, and Dance Flick
Night at the Museum - Ben stiller returns in this family comedy that made enough money to pull a sequel. Never saw the first one so I think I will pass.
Dance Flick - The Wayans return to make fun of all the cheesy dance movies out there. Written and directed by the Wayans makes it has potential but I have not seen any of those movies they are spoofing so I have to let it slide.

May 29th - Up and Drag me to hell
Up - Pixar’s Up early review has it as one of the best Pixar films.
If its in 3d I’m sure it will be worth it.
Drag me to hell - Sam Raimi has returned to a horror movie after 3 spiderman’s. What is not to love.

June 5th - Land of the Lost and Hangover
Land of the Lost - A remake of the old school cheap tv show Land of the Lost with Will Farrell, Did we not see this in Journey to the center of the earth.
The Hangover - A comedy about getting fucked up and not knowing what happened that night.

June 12th - Imagine That and The taking of Pelham 1,2,3
Imagine that - A Eddie Murphy family comedy, Snore,,,,
The Taking of Pelham 1,2,3 - Tony Scott has returned with Denzel and John Travolta. You know what you get with Tony Scott could be great.

June 19th - Year One and The Proposal
Year One - Harold Ramis returns to his comedy roots with Jack Black about the start of civilization.
The Proposal - Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds,,, Ill pass

June 24th - Transformers Revenge of the Fallen
More than meets than eye and effects Michael Bay and team returns with more action and corny dialogue

June 26th - My Sister’s Keeper, Hurt Locker , and Fireflies in the Garden.
My Sister’s Keeper - Do not know much about this movie with Cameron Diaz
The Hurt Locker - A great cast with Ralph Fiennes and Guy Pierce about a bomb disposal team.
Fireflies in the Garden - Julia Roberts and Willem Dafoe in a big Hollywood drama.

July 1st - Ice Age Dawn of the Dinosaurs and Public Enemies
Ice Age - Did not care for the other one to kiddie for me.

Public Enemies - Michael Mann directs Johnny Depp and Christian Bale about Gangster John Dillinger

July 10th - I love you Beth Cooper and Bruno
I love you Beth Cooper - Chris Columbus returns to his comedy roots with a average looking comedy

Bruno - The Star of Borat and Ali G return with a new comedy about a gay fashionista

July 17th - Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
Book 6 is ready to roll 1 more book 2 more movies left.

Ok here is a shortened list of movies in the order they come out
G force - A Disney CGI movie about Gerbils
Orphan- What happens when you adopt the wrong kid
Funny People - Jud Apatow returns with his usual crew plus Adam Sandler.
Gi Joe the rise of Cobra - I guess there will be a part 2 already trailers look trash.
Shorts - Robert Rodriguez returns to a comedy, never can tell.
District 9 - Aliens invade and are put in south Africa as prisoners, has potential, trailer is cool.
Taking Woodstock - Ang Lee is back after broke back Mountain to redeem himself can he?
Final Destination Death Trip 3d - Can this help the dying franchise,, probably.
Inglorious Bastards - Quentin Tarantino is back with a war movie. Nuff said.
Halloween 2 - Rob Zombie gives us the next few hours after Lori kills Michael with the follow up to the horrible remake Halloween.

That ends August which is the end of summer. So here I go with what I want to see.
Midnight screening or opening weekend -
Star Trek, Drag me to Hell, Harry Potter, and Inglorious Bastards

Early bird matinee after the crowds have died down -
Terminator, Up, Transformers, Hurt Locker, Public enemies, District Nine and Final D in 3d

Possibly Maybe -
Brothers Bloom, Funny People, and Taking Of Pelham 123

Cowards Corner

Jamie's back with his reviews of Monsters vs. Aliens, and both Last House on the Left movies.

Monsters VS Aliens in 3D
Wow I'm having some bad luck with 3-d Movies. I watched My Bloody Valentine on opening weekend with a ghetto audience that ruined the already bad movie. I wanted to see Coraline but when I finally had time it was not on 3-d anymore.
So I had a chance to see M v A for free. I went to a different theater this time. My luck I get the dad that explains everything to his son real loud while laughing at everything. After 20 min I had to move seats and could still hear his dumb-ass. Studios wonder why there are Movie Pirates. Two 3-d Movies 2 bad times. This one was not effected as much by the audience like Valentine and I could tell the movie
was boring and dull. No jokes worked on me, none were funny. It was way too little kid. Voice acting was good especially by Seth Rogan. 3-d effects were good at first then got old after awhile. I'm glad it was free but would never watch again. I say if you have the money and kids under 10 go for it but bring your Ipod with some trance and sit back and relax to the beats while watching 3-d

Last House on the Left
Most reviews I have read everyone likes the 1972 version and hates on this
new one. After 21 days the new one has only made 29 million.
I decided to watch both back to back and give a fair judgment
Warning heavy spoiler reviews -
- Round one Last house on the left 1972 -
Well from the start it seemed outdated with bad acting.
Its Mary's 17Th birthday and she is going to a concert with a friend.
She takes the parents car. Well her friend decides to buy some weed
and ends up with our 4 criminals who are on the run from the cops.
These criminals are crazy and like to torture and rape. So they rape one
girl in the hotel room. the same time we see Mary's parents baking a cake and decorating the house for her Birthday. Well the next day the 4 kidnappers are trying to drive to freedom with Mary and friend in back of trunk. Well there car breaks down right outside the road that leads to Mary's house. Now the parents are worried and have called the cops. So now that there car has broken down they decide to take the girls to the woods and have some fun with them after raping and killing both of them they clean up and go to the parents house.
Once the parents figure it out and find there daughters dead body they go out for revenge. The Dad is a pussy overall barely taking out one guy with a chainsaw as the mom takes out 2 people herself one by biting off his dick and cutting the girls throat.I liked how it was trying to show how innocent law abiding people can go crazy and just kill with no remorse. The criminals deserved this and you were waiting for it.
I wish the acting would have been better.
There are 2 cops that take up space and are wasting precious
screen time. Back in 72 no one had did things like this so I give Wes Craven a big E for effort. I know the new version will have superior acting so I'm sure that will help.

- Round 2 Last House On The Left 2009 -
Well the story starts off the same way were Mary hooks up with friend. Friend wants to buy weed meets one of the criminals then is kidnapped by the others. They take Mary's car and are escaping and Mary leads them to the back way close to her house then she attacks them which makes the car crash. I liked her thinking she was close to her house and was trying to get free. But none are hurt and they kill her friend and rape her she then escapes into the water were they shoot her and think she is dead. A thunderstorm arrives so they have seek shelter at the closest house which is Mary's parents. Later that night Mary shows up barely alive and they figure it out. So now is the revenge. Well these deaths are not as good as the 72 version. It also takes a long while for it to play out. They were trying to build tension but I knew what was going to happen. You get a gunshot in the eye, hammer to the back of the head, and a beat down with fire poker and flame extinguisher. This has a happy ending and kinda ruins it. Mary does not die, the son of the main criminal Kruger lives and flees with Mary and her parents and the get away with murder.
Then the last scene the dad has kept Kruger alive and microwaves his brain which does not make sense to me.
The 72 version Mary dies, Kruger son kills himself, and the cops witness the dad kill one guy. So they will probably go to jail. It ends on a sad and depressing note.
Well acting wise I was right this version was better. The criminals in this
version are not as crazy and kinda tame. They kill and rape cause they had to get rid of them. The Older film they do it cause they love it.
So I have to agree with the consensus. This new one had potential but failed. A happy ending and stupid last scene hurts this movie overall
Winner - Last house on the Left 1972

Coward's Corner
Jamie's back with his belated reviews of Believer and Appaloosa
Believer - Gabriel
1989 was believers debut release extraction from morality, When I first heard
this I was what the fuck? Never heard a guitar sound like this. I was hooked.
One year later they make a 2nd release sanity obscure. At this time I was able
to see them live at a small venue in Austin. My first heavy metal show I knew
from that point it would be metal for life. After waiting 3 years they return
with Dimensions. A super budget production with mixed metal with classical
music and voice. Again I was floored at the master fullness of this technical
thrash. Then the worst thing could have happened. The band broke up
the driving force singer and drummer stayed together to produce other bands
music. 15 years later they return. So the question is can they bring the same
metal they created and make it fresh? Would they try to sell out or just lose
there creativity process?

I'm not one for a track by track comparison I'll just say it has grown on me
and they did deliver. They still have there sound and technical skill.
Kurt's voice is the best it has been, and the drumming bows down.

Best songs are Stoned, Redshift, Focused Lethality.
worst song is The Brave,, to commercial. all other songs kick ass I highly
recommend these guys after 15 years they still got the touch.
"My eyes are sewn shut,,, believe"

Appaloosa - Review
I think westerns are a dying breed and when they do make them there not very good.
So when I hear a western with Ed Harris and Viggo Mortenson I think maybe
this could be great. This is Ed Harris second directorial attempt since
Pollock back in 2000. So 8 years later can he pull off a western masterpiece.
Nope,, it was a bad choice of script although he helped write the screenplay. The story was super crap and boring and made only worse by the
acting of Renee Zellweger. I guess since she did well in the civil war movie
Cold Mountain they wanted to give her another film in that time.
Here is the story the town Appaloosa has a band of outlaws led by Jeremy Irons that
terrorizes the town and kills the Sheriff ED and Vigo are hired to stop them
and make order "did we not see this in tombstone and 500 other westerns".
So then Renee shows up out of nowhere and hooks up with Ed then begins a
love story. It goes downhill from there. Check out The Proposition with Guy
Pierce to see a great "new" western. Wait till HBO or cable for this