Lightning Bolt Energy Drink!
Steven Seagal ill make a deal with you. Ill go see any movie in the future that you star in. I dont care if its Glimmer Man 2 or Under Siege 3; I promise to see it on dvd or if you ever get a movie theater gig again, ill go see it there. You just have to promise one little thing. Dont fucking ever make another energy drink for the rest of your life!!!
I saw this drink at Walmart last week and couldnt help but bust out laughing at the goofy picture and the thought of the whole idea that a washed up actor was promoting an actual energy drink. But I gave it the benefit of the doubt. I admit im a huge fan of energy drinks even though I tasted my share of nothing special ones. So once I popped the top and started drinking it didnt hit me right away. I thought maybe if I drink some more it will get a little better. By the 3rd drink the shit taste kicked into high gear and i knew I needed to bail out. This was some nasty tasting sewer type shit. I think even if the Toxic Avenger tasted it he would go out and hunt Steven down and shove his mop so far up his ass it would come out between his squinty eyes.
No exaggeration, all i drank was a third of the drink and my stomach was bubbling. I know if I would have drank the rest of it I would have probably vomited all over the house until every last ounce of that crap was out of me.
The funny thing is that he's taking this drink pretty seriously. Here some quotes directly from the website:
Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt - First of it's Kind
Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt is an energy drink as unique as the man who created it. It has pioneered the way for nutritional, all natural energy drinks and emerged as many “firsts”: - First energy drink to contain Tibetan Goji Berries - First energy drink to contain Asian Cordyceps
It is also one of the very few energy drinks to be offered in multiple flavors and is available in 60 countries worldwide
The name Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt was an inevitable afterthought. When Steven Seagal finished creating a drink that holds untold natural power, there was only one equivalent in nature- The Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt. Both mysterious and powerful, it's a symbol of the untold energy the earth has to offer- Such is Steven Seagals Lightning Bolt energy drink.
Funny, funny stuff. Please heed my warning and look but dont touch.
Updated Post-funny video
2 comments:
No Fucking Way. Seagal is scraping the bottom of the barrel with this one. Washed The Fuck Up! Even Walker Texas Ranger hasn't tried to tap into this market ? This is beyond funny and sad at the same time !!! I damn near fell out of my chair when I read the part about " this drink holds UNTOLD NATURAL ENERGY....UNTOLD. Like superhero strength or something ? And as far as it being the first energy drink containing Tibetan Goji berries and Asian Cordyceps ( what the fuck are cordyceps anyway ? ). I bet that's because these two ingredients taste like shit. Red Bull and Monster Energy were like - Goji berries and Cordyceps ? No thanks, they taste like shit. And the drink is MYSTERIOUS too ? Oh this is too classic. No Way. I bet it is a mystery how it ever made it's way to store shelves, huh ? Of course, you know that my curiosity is now peaked and I'll probably have to waste a couple of bucks and try one....and then regret it.
He might be bad at acting, but supposedly he is ok at playing the blues!
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